What's a Wobble?

There was a point in the trip where I honestly thought about punching a guy.

Jeff was talking to someone on the street...I don't remember what the discussion was about. He was asking a question, it was long and involved. And the whole time, this guy looked Jeff in the eye and just shook his head. Over and over, the whole time Jeff was talking to him, shaking. Jerk.

But wait---I am the jerk. In all the stuff I read preparing for the trip, none of the books or Web sites spent much time on nonverbal communication. So you can understand why we were a bit perplexed to find that in this area, India is opposite land. In the west, we acknowledge people by nodding. A nod has all sorts of meaning around here: "yes," "I agree," "I am listening..."

In south India...not really.

They shake their head from side to side...which, to a moron greenhorn American like myself who doesn't know any better, looks a lot like a nonverbal, "No way, dumbass..." To them, its, "I neither agree nor disagree with what you are saying, but I am listening to you..."

And that opposite understanding of the head shake confused everyone. I didn't get it that they were not saying no. And all the touts and beggars were completely thrown off every time I tried to shake off their entreaties...

But far more confusing was the head wobble.

Far more common, with the same meaning as the head shake in India, is an odd maneuver I've never encountered anywhere else. With neck stiff, the head is wobbled off-center to the left and right. It has the same meaning as the shake but is also used like a single head nod here in the States---a quick, subtle thanks or acknowledgement. For example, you pay someone and give them a quick wobble. It is also used to seek acknowledgement---we were on a train and had a conductor come into our compartment to tell us "Bangalore," followed by a bit of the wobble. We confusedly replied, "...uh, OK." Five minutes later, "Bangalore," and wobble. "OK." In the end, we realized that the wobble meant, "hey, dummies, aren't you getting off at this stop?" (We weren't but that is beside the point...)

If you've got a billion or so folks walking around, traffic is crazy and loud, and there is no break to the din, it would make sense for nonverbal communication to take on added importance. It's tough to have much of a conversation on the sidewalk.We saw it everywhere and even started to use it regularly.

So, even though I shook my head whenever someone asked me for something, I eventually started to wobble my hand with a subtle flick upwards at the end. Beggars and touts got the message, "no and get away from me..." Even better when combined with lips comedically pursed out to say, "not interested in your crap..." You could see all sorts of other wacky hand movements being used in traffic and on the streets.

But, like I said, the wobble was the crazy thing. No matter how much we saw it, the wobble never ceased to crack Jo-Elle and I up. Particularly when Jeff did it. He tried to do it for show and to be cool. But in the end, he had been in India long enough to pick it up naturally. And once we pointed it out, he could not stop with the head flop. I know he's gonna get his butt kicked in NYC by somebody who misreads it in the Bowery.

One local custom that he did not pick up is the physical closeness between male friends. Men and women are not allowed to be in close proximity in public---but guys fawn over each other. Hand holding. Arms over each other's shoulders. They hang on each other. And it is completely normal. This is another completely opposite cultural aspect... In the States people would talk about the dudes pictured above. In India, no biggee. Instead, people gawked when Jo-Elle and I occasionally slipped up and held hands (but how could you not stare at a pair of beauties like us?).

Coming Soon: A drive in the country. Market colors. And more a temple that could not be finished in 100 years.